Hear me out…
Nobody ever hates someone they feel is below them, they just don’t care.
They hate those they feel are above them in some way or another.
So yeah, please… go ahead and hate me as much as you like.
I’m loving it 🙂
Moving away from the arbitrary and messy measure of a year using 365 (occasionally 366) days, 12 months of somewhere between 28 and 31 days… I propose to adopt a nice, round decadic system of 10 months of 100 days each, or simply 1000 days equals one year of our lives. Everyone celebrates their birthday on January 1st. Never have to wonder how many days in this month. Easy to remember, even easier to calculate and neatly makes me a few days under 23 years old.
Like in thousands of other car brands, in mine, the engine turns off when I stop. Saves petrol, the environment, and our clothes from turning grey. Pretty common now days.
However, the clowns that work in the design department of my particular brand, decided to allow the driver to turn OFF the engine-off option via a button on the dashboard. But unlike conventional buttons, when you click this one a red light turns ON to show that the option is OFF. And so your engine remains ON when car is stopped…
Let me be perfectly clear: you click the button, the light is ON, Option is OFF and engine remains ON. Likewise, to turn the option back ON, you click the button to turn OFF the red light, indicating that the option is now ON and the engine will turn OFF.
This is like after a few beers, trying to explain the exceptions to the LBW rule to someone who has never watched a game of cricket.
The icing on the cake is that the car then may or may not overwrite your selection anyway. It may turn the engine OFF if petrol is low even if the light is ON. Or let it run if the Air Condition is ON.
That is why you should not drive after a few beers.
* Available for a limited time only. Limit 1 per person. No PDS, manual or instruction set available. Subject to change without notice. Provided “as is” and without any warranties. Once purchased cannot be returned or exchanged. Non transferable. Sole responsibility of the recipient. May incur damages from use or misuse. Additional parts sold separately. May generate additional lives but must run concurrently. Past performance is not a guarantee for future gains. Your milage may vary and is dependant on your driving style . Subject to all applicable laws, fees, and taxes. Black out dates may apply. Terms and conditions apply. Other restrictions may apply. For more information see your mum, dad, a doctor, a lawyer or an accountant or at least someone who has been a user of such “life” for longer than you have.
Walking through a store the other day I spotted a random couple, carefully considering the purchase of a new fridge.
Weighing the pros and cons, predicting longevity with facts and statistics, analysing the likelihood of handing it down to their grand kids. Size, material, colour, shelves, lights, draws, pockets, even the ice cube tray all got a good touch and feel and due consideration.
They must have spent a good hour, just standing there discussing between them their option of taking this fridge home. Later when they got home, they may have even researched it on the internet in pursuit of further validation of their decision.
Their decision is a matter of life and death, it may even change the course of all humanity. They thought.
What seemed inconsequential at the time, later sparked a thought in my head. How long did Adam and Eve consider the apple before snapping it off the branch?
Day 8 of forced COVID isolation.
When I was so much younger than today, my favorite computer game was SimCity. For those unaware, I pity you.
Great pleasure to be had, imagining and building roads and houses for my people, workshops, parks, shops and the odd church. An entire world, my little people could live in happily. I would spend hours making the roads straight and parallel and moving houses around to satisfy my out of control Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (again for those unaware, I pity you).
It would be dark outside, I had missed lunch, dinner (or often both) persistently working to create my perfect world by moving the last remaining house to the ideal location.
Unimaginable frustration would follow on the realisation that moving this house results in every other house being out of line making everything look like a bowl of spaghetti. Mess, chaos, my city in ruins.
Deep breath. Top right hand menu, there was a button you could right click and instantly strike with some kind of disaster (fire, hurricane, earthquake, pandemic) and go back to a clean slate. If you can’t see where I’m going with this, I pity you.
Admittedly, it was devastating destroying my pretend world. Gutted I was. The only thing that held me back from losing a tear, was knowing that tomorrow morning, I would start again and this time my pretend world will be perfect.
Maybe just maybe, they were right and Earth is just a simulation played by a higher intelligence. And maybe, just maybe the nerdy kid with the thick rim glasses has just hit right-click, pandemic and gone to sleep.
I am ecstatically delighted and disproportionately flabbergasted with enormous gratification and appreciation for the dispensation of such a tendering and mesmerizing information in which the prestidigitation of the concurrent and subsequent matter is thoroughly demonstrated through the innuances alluding to literal and metaphorical context.
It is highly imperative to note that, such is the significance of the aforementioned, that distortion in any shape or form will result in catastrophic ramifications to which will be the outcome of epic proportions.
Ideally, based on my intellectual capacity and my vast knowledge, tactically and tentatively, right from the beginning of times especially in the light of Ecclesiastes evolution, I have come to a concrete, definite and profound conclusion that I actually have nothing to say.
Thank you!
In 2013 I felt happy, joyful, sad, rejected, angry, surprised, proud, grumpy, scared, excited, tired, frustrated, sometimes silly, sometimes serious, never bored. I cried, I laughed often at the same time, yelled, screamed and hit a punching bag, loved, left, came back and moved on.
I guessed the unpredictable, missed the obvious, said too much and at times nothing at all. I cared for a parent and encouraged a child, I started something new and finished something old, met a few strangers, made new friends and deleted old ones, travelled near and far, alone and with others, had front row at a concert and took the back seat on a road trip.
I walked alone until it hurt, I threw a fist into the air and rolled my eyes in despair. I gave up, gave in and gave away, I stood on the edge and pretended not to care. I regret nothing and enjoyed everything.
2014 tomorrow..? Pft… Bring it on.